Growing Up: Part 7 (Singapore)

“No man can order his life, for it comes flowing over him from behind . . .”  (George MacDonald)

During our pre-marital counseling, the pastor said something strange. “You both are young. Why don’t you do something exotic like live in Singapore?”

We hadn’t said anything about Singapore prior to his comment.

After learning that my position in Pittsburgh was ending I began looking for opportunities. With my interest in overseas work, I looked everywhere, and found a position as a high school Bible teacher in Singapore.

Singapore

We knew that Singapore was known as an easy place to live for Westerners. Some even call it “Asia lite.” And since English is one of the four official languages, along with Mandarin, Malay, and Tamil, we were glad we wouldn’t need to learn a new language.

Founded by Sir Stamford Raffles in 1819 as a British trading center, Singapore is a small city-state island located at the tip of Malaysia. When Raffles moved to the island, the population of mostly Malays and Chinese numbered less than two hundred. During the next two years it grew to more than 5,000. Raffles outlawed gambling, drunkenness, opium-smoking, slavery and made plans for a multicultural population by dividing the town into distinct ethnic areas: European, Chinese, Indian, and Malay-Muslim. We enjoyed going to Chinatown for dumplings and Little India for masala dosais and vegetable thali.

After the Japanese occupation in 1942-45, Singapore was returned to the British then gained independence by joining Malaysia in 1963. At the time Singapore’s population was 1.8 million and Malaysia’s was 9.5 million so Singapore believed this was an important step for its future welfare. But the merger didn’t last. Malaysia expelled the island in 1965, forcing it to be autonomous.

Surprisingly, Singapore went on to experience spectacular growth under the leadership of Lee Kuan Yew, who was the prime minister until 1990. This island, half the size of Los Angeles, has become one of the most important port cities in the world, rated near the top of many global rankings. In two centuries, its population has grown from a few hundred to 5.6 million.

Arrival

In July 2003 we headed off to Southeast Asia with our ten-month-old baby girl. As we walked out of Changi Airport after midnight we were instantly greeted by the warm and humid air, reminding us that we had reached our tropical destination. The journey continued with a drive down a spotless highway with rows of palm trees on both sides of the road.

Apartments

Our first residence was temporary. We stayed in a teacher’s apartment in a high-rise building for two weeks. (The teacher and his family were in the US for the summer.) Our short-term apartment was new and modern. For some reason, however, we said, “This place is nice, but we can probably find something better.” We didn’t know that the family was only able to afford that apartment because rental prices were down due to the SARS epidemic. In our six years in Singapore we never lived in a nicer place.

We settled on an apartment near the school—an older red-brick complex on a hill called Mount Faber. Within a short walk up the mountain, we were in a dense jungle-like area. In order to get a taxi or bus, we had to descend sixty-five steps outside the complex while carrying a baby in a stroller. This apartment also came furnished with many small guests—geckos making their clicking noise throughout the day. And the humidity created special surprises. After our second summer in the US, we opened our apartment door and saw that our red sofa was grayish-green, covered in a layer of mold. But our first home also had advantages, such as a nice clubhouse, which we used for Olivia’s first birthday party. We dressed her in a red Chinese outfit and invited all of the teachers and administrators.

Our second apartment was located directly in front of the school. We were excited to move in because it was spacious and it had an outdoor pool on the floor above it. But we were shocked by what we saw on move-in day. After enduring the long flight from the US with two children (I’ll tell you about the second baby shortly), and pulling our huge suitcases to the front door, we entered the apartment and saw that it was filled with the previous occupants’ belongings. (They had worked at our school so we knew them.) Sofa, chairs, tables, shelves, books. There was barely empty space to walk through the living room. In the bedrooms we found framed photos, socks, underwear, and other personal items. The previous tenants had left the country. We were not too happy. But after cleaning up and painting, it became a comfortable home for the next three years.

Our third apartment was on the nineteenth floor of a public housing unit. We had to take the stairs a few times when the elevators were not working. But this sky-level apartment provided us with incredible vistas of the sunset each evening and every day it was different.

Adjusting

One of the big adjustments we had to make was life without a vehicle. At the time Singapore charged about $25,000 for vehicle certificates because they wanted to limit the number of automobiles on the small island. To get around, we took subways, buses and taxis. After picking up our groceries, we often had to stand in a long queue (line), holding our bags, and our children, and dripping with sweat. I couldn’t wait to get home and stand in front of the air conditioner.

Shortly after we arrived I had my first squatty potty experience. We were in a Border’s bookstore when I needed to go. I walked into the bathroom, found the only door that was opened, and looked in at a squatty potty. Although I felt rather clumsy and wasn’t sure what I was doing, I emerged triumphant. As I walked out of the bathroom, however, I was greatly disappointed. Turning to look into the other stalls which now had opened doors, I saw regular toilets. My stall had the only squatty potty.

While English is one of the official languages, the way English is used varies from country to country. The guard at our school was a friendly man named Mr. Din. One day when walking onto campus he told my daughter, “You look sexy today.”

That’s a strange thing to say to a child, I thought.

Sometime later, he said the same thing to me.

Eventually, I realized that “sexy” didn’t mean what I thought it meant. It simply meant “cute” or “nice.”

School

I worked in an international Christian school with colleagues from a variety of places: California, Texas, Colorado, North Dakota, Ohio, Canada, Sweden, India, Australia. My first year teaching was especially difficult. Since I had not been trained as a teacher, I had a lot to learn. Classroom management was stressful. How do you handle the student who is not listening? How do you get a group of teenagers’ attention? I had to learn on the job.

I also had to write my own curriculum. The curriculum I was shown looked like Sunday School material so I didn’t think it would work for high school students in an academic setting. On Sundays, I usually prepared my lessons for the week from about 1 p.m. until midnight or later. And after teaching each lesson, I made many revisions based on what happened in class.

I taught a diverse group of teenagers, about one hundred each day, including American, Korean, Japanese, Indonesian, and Indian. They were also religiously diverse: Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Free-Thinker, etc. One of the most active participants in class was a Muslim student from Bangladesh. He asked thoughtful questions and always had a good attitude. However, he misapplied one lesson he learned.

While talking about the story of Jesus healing the leper in Mark 1, I explained the Old Testament rules for lepers found in Leviticus 13: torn clothes, unkempt hair, cover the lower part of the face, and cry out, “Unclean! Unclean!” (vv. 45).

After the lesson, this student was riding the public bus. At one stop, he watched a large woman get on the bus and begin heading for the seat beside him. Suddenly, he remembered the rules he had learned in class and shouted, “Unclean! Unclean!” in an effort to scare her away. Probably thinking he was mentally ill, she moved to another seat.

I was stunned when he told us how he had applied the lesson.

My second year teaching was much easier because I was able to build on my first-year lessons. But full-time teaching was still hard. I wanted kids to enjoy my class and learn. I thought Bible class should be different from other classes because the Bible is not just another textbook. I also tried to see things from the students’ perspective so I began the year by giving class surveys and listening to how they felt about previous Bible classes. Several offered a variety of complaints: the teacher acted like he or she knew everything, tests were unfair, too much work, too much memorization, lessons were too simple like Sunday School, it wasn’t required for college, etc. The reality, for many, was that Bible class was turning students off to the Bible. It was having the opposite effect it was supposed to have.

So I tried to make class enjoyable and educational. I did my best not to lecture for an entire period, assigning group work and creative assignments. After tests, I gave a free period. We walked to the hawker (outdoor food stalls) and bought snacks. But after teaching for two years, I realized that some kids were not going to like my class no matter what we did. In fact, they probably didn’t like any class. I don’t think it showed during the school day, but after school I was exhausted.

In my third year, I began meeting with a career coach who listened to my struggles and suggested resources and ideas for the classroom. It was encouraging to have someone to talk to and I was excited to try new ideas. As a result, I continued full-time teaching for a few more years.

Friends

One of the unique things about living overseas is the friendships you make. A special bond exists between expatriates. We know what it is like to be away from family and friends, without the comforts of our home country, trying to navigate a new culture.

I met my good friend Jason from Texas while he was shooting on the school basketball court by himself. We have similar interests: sports, music, cultural diversity, teaching, and working with students. With his Texas accent and sarcastic sense of humor, Jason is especially funny. He says, “Tuesdee” instead of “Tuesday” and “peeyin” instead of “pen.”

Together with his wife and three children, our families celebrated birthdays, holidays, and enjoyed vacations in Thailand and Malaysia. We also usually ate dinner together once or twice a week.

One day after school, we met at Burger King, which was in a nice mall near our home. (No, we didn’t only eat American fast food, but for the record, we think American fast food is better overseas and the restaurants are usually cleaner.)

While walking in the mall by myself, I had a revelation. After a hard day’s work, I was really looking forward to hanging out with our friends. I was excited. And then it hit me. This expectation was a little taste of heaven—deeply enjoying the company of others is what we will be doing forever.

Second Baby

In 2005, our second daughter, Talia, was born. Geetha’s birth experience was much better in Singapore than in the US. As one of the only patients in a new section of a clean and modern hospital she received excellent attention. The name Talia means “morning dew” in Hebrew. When Geetha heard the name from a Jewish co-worker in Pittsburgh, she loved it.

When Olivia was three or four we enrolled her in a local preschool next to our apartment for three hours a day. She was given a uniform—a yellow T-shirt with green shorts, but she refused to wear it. She was the only kid in her class not wearing the uniform. I’m not sure what she learned other than some common Singaporean phrases from the children, such as “I have to pass motion,” and “I have to pass urine” (pronounced “ureen”).

As a young child I wasn’t spanked much, but I remember a couple of times. After I hid broccoli around the outside of my plate, I was punished. So as a young dad, I didn’t put much thought into it. Once in a while, I spanked Olivia when I thought she was being disobedient. But when she was around four years old, she said, “How come you can hit me, but I can’t hit Talia?” I had been having mixed feelings about spanking, but when she asked that question, I knew she was right. I never spanked her again.

Spanking

But doesn’t the Bible tell parents to spank their children? Around three thousand years ago, Solomon wrote, “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die. Punish them with the rod and save them from death” (23:13-14).

This not only sounds like encouragement for parents to practice corporeal punishment, it sounds like a command: “Punish them with the rod.” Are parents required to hit their children with a rod?

First, the proverbial genre is meant to give general advice. Notice how these two proverbs placed together give different instructions:

Do not answer a fool according to his folly,
or you yourself will be just like him.
Answer a fool according to his folly,
or he will be wise in his own eyes. (26:4-5)

Should we answer the fool or not? It depends on the situation, which means wisdom is required. In other words, proverbs are not always giving universal rules.

Second, Solomon was writing three thousand years ago. Our understanding of children, our knowledge of science and medicine, and our technology have advanced immensely. So we need to ask, “What did they know then? And what do we know today?” Applying Solomon’s advice literally would be considered child abuse in many modern countries and rightly so. For those who want to defend corporeal punishment on the basis of this proverb, if you don’t use a rod, you have already moved beyond a strictly literal interpretation. (For more on this particular topic, see Corporeal Punishment in the Bible.)

Interpreting a large ancient book filled with different kinds of literature is bound to create disagreements. Even discussions about modern books end in debates. That’s why the early believers formulated creeds to express what they thought were the core or nonnegotiable aspects of the Christian faith. They were saying, “we can disagree about that, but not about this.” And the process of formulating creeds begins in the New Testament itself. Paul writes:

For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas, and then to the Twelve. After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers and sisters at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep. Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles, and last of all he appeared to me also, as to one abnormally born. (1 Cor. 15:3-8)

Note that Christ’s death, burial, resurrection, and appearances are “of first importance.” And this was not something Paul invented. He received it from others. Since Paul is writing in the mid-50s, this formulation must have occurred almost immediately after Jesus died. Thus, believers have been highlighting the core features of the faith from the beginning.

Recognizing the Bible as a unique ancient book does not mean we must completely discard Solomon’s parental advice. We can still look for principles in these ancient instructions. For instance, the idea that parents should correct their children is timeless.

Part 8

Part 6